The Girl in the Teal Beret

11/11/17

One of my favorite musicians, if not my favorite, is Jack White. When I was 14 I first heard “Fell in Love with a Girl” and after that I became a self- described “unconditional fan.” There hasn’t been much that this man hasn’t done that I don’t admire, even if I don’t particularly like it. I’m amazed that one human being can do so much and I appreciate his branding, his style, his effort and how much culture he throws into everything he does. Everything has so many layers. It’s so artful. I’m sure he’s probably a pain in the ass to work with because a person who is this successful has GOT to be quite particular and eccentric, but I don’t even care. I appreciate his work so much.  

Of course, I have imagined what it would be like to meet him. Who would I be with? Who would I want to share that experience with? What would I say? What would I do? Do I even want to meet him? What if he’s a dick? Would I still be an unconditional fan? Would it ruin everything for me forever? 

I knew that one of the things I would want to say if I ever met him would be “thank you.” His music changed my life and opened doors to other musicians that are so important to me now that I probably would not have discovered if it wasn’t for his influences. Music is such a huge part of my life, and he has influenced a good 80% of my taste. This is particularly so for Loretta Lynn. He released a collaborative album with Loretta Lynn called “Van Lear Rose” when I was about 16. After that, I adopted this amazing, pioneering woman as a personal heroine. This past year I saw her in concert with my mom, and I sobbed, shoulder-shaking sobs, when her 85-year old self walked out in a red long-sleeved sequined dress. I sang along to every song. It was amazing. She was amazing and it was an absolute dream come true. I wouldn't have experienced this if it were not for Jack White and his dedication to the great musicians that paved the way for music today.

Loretta Lynn in the red sequin dress

This year, Mr. White turned his song “We’re Going to be Friends” into a children’s book. He hosted a book signing in a Barnes and Noble on the Upper West Side on Saturday, 11/11/17. 

I reserved two books, one for me and one for my friend Meg’s 1 year old son. I went to two White Stripes concerts with Meg, and I figured the music was important enough to our friendship that it would be nice to pass it on to the next generation. Plus, it’s a children’s book, it felt weird to go get a children’s book signed as an adult without having a child in mind to gift it to. 

As the day got closer I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to go. Advertisements for the event said to "get there early, we're expecting a lot of people!" and I felt weird waiting in line to see a human doing human things. It just seemed a little strange. I could see waiting in a super long line to see a concert, or a work of art, something that that a human created, but it just seemed on the creepier side to just wait in line to see him. Not to mention that the weather was supposed to be sub 30 degrees and it just felt so extreme. Was it even worth it? Probably not! He’s just a person! On top of it, I was starting to get a cold. Ugh. I decided I would make a game-day decision, although I was leaning towards not going. 

However, I had already reserved the books, so when I got up that morning at 7am, I just started getting ready. My gut instinct was to go for it. His music has played a very large role in my life, after all. It was worth a shot. I told myself I wouldn't be disappointed if I didn't get to see him, let alone a signature.

                                                                                                

I showed up at exactly 9 when the store opened, laughed at the long line of people and walked away. I stepped into Starbucks, got myself a hot cup of coffee, deliberated on whether or not I wanted to go, and decided to stroll down the street along the line. It wasn't even a full block’s length, so I hopped on at the end. I kept thinking to myself that this was kind of ridiculous. I was by myself, but the woman behind me had an infant in a stroller and was otherwise alone, so I didn’t feel so ridiculous. At least I didn't bring an infant out in the cold! We laughed at our collective ridiculousness waiting to see a human.

By the time I made it to the door, it was sunny and everyone around me was super happy and excited. They cut the line right in front of me. Five minutes pass, and a Barnes and Noble employee comes out to say that they gave the last wristband to get their book signed out. OF COURSE, to the person directly in front of me. I laughed because... of course. He said that he was going to let a small group of people on the line in just in case, although there was no guarantee that we would get our book signed. He let me in, I bought my two reserved books and walked upstairs to where the event was taking place and to wait on yet another line.

Barnes and Noble employees continued to come around and say, “This line is only for people with wristbands, if you don’t have a wristband you are not going to get your book signed.” I sighed, but continued to wait JUST IN CASE, plus I was comfortable sitting on the floor reading legal cases for school. 

I heard them announce Jack White’s name, and at that point I was really thinking I was NOT going to be able to get my books signed, so I bolted from the line to just to try and get a glimpse of him. I found myself standing directly in front of the table where he sat signing books. I was so close! 

It was really awesome. He interacted really well with all the little kids that came up to him to have their books signed and appeared to be genuinely kind. I was relieved that he came across sincere and not at all like an entitled dick. I took two Instagram videos and thought after the second one I was going to leave, however when I looked at the line to get books signed, it was super short. I decided to chance it; I snuck back on line and was one of the last 6 people before the security guards stood at the end of the line to ensure no one else tried to get on. 

The line moved quickly, and as I got closer, it was apparent that I was DEFINITELY going to get my books signed. I started to freak out a little bit. This man’s music changed my life when I was 14. I was about to meet someone whom I deeply admire.

I got up to the table, and snuck shitty a photo and then put my phone away.

The shitty photo

I handed my books to the girl who was supposed to open them to the title page, but I had already done that. She said, “oh my goodness thank you for opening your books to the correct page,” and I smiled nervously. 

It was my turn. He didn’t look up right away, he only stuck his hand out instinctively to shake mine, just as he had been doing all day. He smiled, but was looking down at his signature. In the middle of signing my first book, he looked up at me quickly to say, "Hi!" He went to look back down at the book but did a double take, smiled at me and said, “I like your beret.” 

“Well, I like your music,” I replied. 

He said, “excuse me?” 

Shit. I was so nervous I said it too softly! I repeated, “I like your music.”  That's such a dumb thing to say, Ali, why would you say that oh my god, I thought.

He smiled, looked me directly in the eyes and said, “well, thank you.” He paused, still staring directly into my eyes (soul). “It’s very nice to meet you,” he said. 

I mustered a, “It’s very nice to meet you, too.” 

I moved on, as to not hold up the line and said, “thank you so much” to the very accomplished woman who illustrated the book, Elinor Blake, and waited for both of my books and moved out of the way for the next person. 

I turned around to get one last look and walked directly down the stairs and out the door completely elated. 

I thought that was the end of it.

I was kind of freaking out, my mind was going a million miles an hour. I didn’t get to say what I wanted to say! I didn’t tell him thank you. I only said, “I like your music,” and not, “your music changed my life, thank you.” UGH. Ali, you blew it. I walked up and down the street a minute just to get the nervous energy out of me. I called my Mom but my Dad answered. Told him all about it, especially the part about how Jack White told me that he liked my beret. HE LIKED MY BERET. We laughed a little, and he just barely dealt with my nervous energy until I got to the subway stairs and said I had to get on the train. He said my Mom would call me back. 

I hung up and walked down into the subway and thought it was the wrong one.

I walked back out of the subway, still full of nervous energy and walked up to the bookstore again. I didn’t feel like I could leave the area, anyway. I crossed the street and walked into Hale and Hearty Soups because I hadn’t eaten a thing all day, but I walked right out because I just didn’t want to spend a single second in there. Something was telling me to just walk around a little bit. I circled the block the bookstore was on, texting my friends about my experience like my thumbs were on fire. 

My mom called me back as I was walking back to the subway stairs to head home (??? how could I just go home after that). I was standing, clutching the signed books to my heart, telling her all about how I met one of the most influential musicians in my life while standing outside the subway staircase when a black Escalade stopped at the red light right next to me.

It caught my eye because the back window started to roll down to reveal the passenger… 

Jack White. 

He was grinning mischievously and looking directly at me. He glanced up at the driver but said, 

“Hey! Thanks for coming today!” 

I immediately hang up on my Mom in shock. I instinctively took about four steps closer to the car, and he pushed his window up a little bit and glanced again at the driver. I noticed and stopped in my tracks, but said, “Hey! Thank YOU! And you know, I just want to tell you that your music changed my life when I was 14…” 

He smiles and says “Aww.” 

I continue, “And that I saw Loretta Lynn this year—” 

“Did you?” He smiles wider, but glances at the driver again. (He was probably being instructed to roll the window back up; they don’t know what kind of person I am! It also was probably not wise to have the window rolled down at all, even if I'm not crazy, what if another crazy fan is near!)

I go on anyway, “I did! and I wouldn’t have ever known who she was if it wasn’t for Van Lear Rose, so thank you.” 
I instinctively clutched my heart with both hands and both books. I took a deep breath and said slowly and more sincerely, “Thank you."

I realized in that moment that the whole interaction was probably a little uneasy for him. Regardless of what made him roll down the window in the first place, he was probably thinking “this person could be completely crazy." I recognized that I actually may be coming off a little crazy, so after I said what I wanted to say, I turned and walked away and looked down at my phone like I had to do something. He rolled up his window, but his car stayed at the stoplight for a few more seconds and I stared at my dark phone in complete disbelief of the past 10 seconds. 

The light turned green, and I waved quickly one more time to the closed tinted window as I walked down the subway stairs, still clutching my signed books to my heart. 

In my head I was kicking myself for being a total fangirl. Did I really just word-vomit everything I had ever wanted to say to him? Should I have just not said anything? Should I have just waved and been the mysterious girl in the teal beret? Fuck! I screwed up!

But, it was like something out of my wildest dreams. This person, a celebrity, someone I admire so much… remembered me. And not only that, he took a chance by opening his window to say, “thank you for coming.” He didn’t know what kind of person I was! I could have jumped onto his car! But he did it anyway. To say thank you.

To me. 

I guess I'm happy that I got to say thank you back. I’m glad I got to thank him for opening my eyes to one of my most beloved heroines. I’m glad I got to sincerely thank him for changing my life when I was younger.

And I mean, it’s probably so incredibly corny and ridiculous and fan-girly. And... maybe he doesn’t appreciate or care what some random girl in a teal beret has to say. Chances are, he hears it all of the time from people and fans everywhere and that one interaction isn’t going to have any impact on him whatsoever. 

But it was one of the most important ten seconds of my life. I am memorable. Someone who sees thousands of faces because of their occupation, remembered my hat, remembered me. 

I'm happy I went alone. I'm so happy that I was alone. I wouldn't want to share this experience with anyone else in the world.

After I called my mom back and apologized for hanging up on her and told her why I did so abruptly, she said, “Well, Jack White is probably thinking about you right now.” 

The Girl in the Teal Beret: a Selfie

And I wonder if he was. 

________________________________________
11/13/2017

It's now two days later and I've been re-living this moment for 48 hours, still in complete disbelief. I really do even wonder if it was a dream. 

I feel a little silly making a big deal out of this, but it feels HUGE to me. It feels like... something. And moments that make you feel alive like this are so few and far between that I just don't really want to let it go. Regardless of how meaningless it is in the grand scheme of life and things. It meant something to me to be remembered by someone I admire, even if it was strictly because of my brightly-colored beret and was only 30 minutes later. It would probably be more impressive if it were a few days later... however... I still can't shake it. 

I woke up Sunday morning (the next day) sick as a dog, and this morning, Monday, I realized I had booked the wrong flight for my boss... both of which reminded me that I'm still very much in reality. Moments like the one I experienced on Saturday with Jack White are short, very sweet and make life worth living... but mundane life does in fact go on. 

And if you have made it all the way through this lengthy story, I commend you. Thank you. I felt like I needed to share it, to get it out of my system and share the amazing energy I was just...exuding, but I know very much that this moment is mine. And I am so happy that I was alone and that I am able to revel in the memory entirely by myself. 

It's also exhilarating moments like this that really make me reflect on my place in life. Where am I at in this very moment. And I think this moment made me realize how many great and amazing and wonderful things happen when I am alone. When I am true to myself, when I make decisions without input from others and go strictly with my gut instincts. It's only then do I find myself in sync with the energy currents of the earth and find myself in places that add so much to my life.